Just when you thought the guy couldn’t get cooler. Johnny Depp plays guitar, most famously on Oasis’ ‘Fade In/Fade Out’ from their ‘Be Here Now’ album.
He was also Hunter S. Thompson’s best buddy, and he’s probably smashed Kiera Knightley’s vagina to mush, so now he’s just got to cure cancer and he’ll be automatically made King of the World.
Robbie Williams Twisted EA Sports’ Arm
Ol’ Bobbie Bill is the majority owner of shithouse, third-division Port Vale Football Club. But fuck that, he’s a squillionaire and he wanted to be able to play as his team in EA Sports’ FIFA 2008 video game so he agreed to write ‘It’s Only Us’ especially for the menu screen, as long as Port Vale F.C. were included in the line up.
The team can be found under ‘Rest of the World’, unlike Robbie’s albums.
Pink Floyd's Wizard of Oz
If you start playing Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon as the MGM Lion roars at the beginning of the Wizard of Oz, it turns out that you're a sad, bored little man. FACT.
Also, the music matches up or some shit.
The Rolling Stones are Kinda Mean
The Verve’s ‘Bittersweet Symphony’ is one of the greatest selling rock singles of the nineties, but Richard Ashcroft and company don’t get a penny for it. The signature violin piece is a sample from Andrew Oldham’s orchestral cover of ‘Last Time’ by the Rolling Stones and while Oldham, the old bastard, gave permission for the Verve to use the sample, he later decided that they’d used too much of it, and successfully sued.
Now the liner notes declare that the song was written by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards even though Oldham’s cover sounds nothing like their version. Worse still, ‘Last Time’ wasn’t even written by the Stones, it was a cover of a 1955 Gospel song.
When the same hook was used by Tinchy Stryder in his ‘Number One’ track back in 2009, no legal action took place because Tinchy Stryder is a totally useless shithead and nobody listens to him.
The White Album wasn’t called the White Album
The White Album was self-titled. People call it the White Album, for the same reason that I call one of my mates ‘The Fat Useless One’. I say what I see. He probably has a name, but damned if I’m going to look it up.
Another interesting fact about the White Album is if you play ‘Revolution No. 9’ backwards, it’s still shit.
Here’s a list of interesting musical anagrams.
Justin Timberlake – I’m A Jerk, But Listen
Christina Aguilera – Angry, Satanic Hair
Spice Girls – Pig Slicers
Peter Andre – A Pretender
Rick Astley – Tickly Arse
Axl Rose – Oral Sex
Michael Bolton – I’m the Local Nob
Hannibal Released a Song
Anthony Hopkins released a song back in 1986 called ‘Distant Star’. It peaked at number 75 on the UK charts and stayed there for exactly one week.
He didn’t star in any movies during 1986, presumably because he was too busy being beaten up by people.
Beatles Don't Know Nothing
The Beatles awesome number one hit, ‘Come Together’ was originally released as a B-Side to their totally unknown, and pretty shit track, ‘Something’. After somebody with ears took possession of the album, it was decided to swap the two around and the album cover was altered so ‘Come Together’ was the title track.
Since then, the song has been covered multiple times, most famously by Aerosmith who desperately needed the money.
Johnny Cash has no Name
Johnny’s parents were apparently stubborn, disagreeable rednecks who couldn’t even decide upon a name for the living creature they’d given birth to. Mr Cash was born J. R. Cash and only adopted a proper name when he enlisted in the United States Air Force, who were understandably hesitant in hiring somebody who had no moniker.
J. R. Cash died in 2003, fortunately before he had to witness Joaquin ‘The Fucker’ Phoenix portraying him.
Barry Manilow didn’t write the song ‘I Write the Songs’
In 1975, Barry Manilow decided that there weren’t enough jokes about him going around, and so he recorded ‘I Write the Songs’ to try and get things back in balance. The track was actually written by Bruce Johnson of the Beach Boys.
Considering this fact, 'I'm Gonna Sit Down and Write Me A Letter" makes a lot more sense,
Who Are They?
Despite the fact that we can never get the fuck away from their music, The Who have never had a number one hit single. The makers of CSI clearly have issue with this, so they’re intent on ramming their songs down our fucking throats at every single opportunity. Below is a list of potential CSI shows and their corresponding The Who theme song.
CSI: Sahara Desert – “I Can See for Miles”
CSI: Academy – “I Can’t Explain”
CSI: Kindergarten – “My Generation”
CSI: Vatican City – “See Me, Feel Me”
CSI: Beating the Dead Horse – “It’s Not Enough”
Eric Clapton’s a Player
Clapton’s song ‘Layla’ was written about George Harrison’s wife, when he was still alive. Eventually, the former Mrs Harrison filed for divorce and then married Eric, like the total rock whore that she was.
Harrison eventually died a slow painful death from lung cancer, twenty-one years after John Lennon was shot. Much better ways to go out than ‘Wings’.
Rock Stars have dorky names
Is your name Bertrum McStroodle? Don’t worry. Rock stars have crap names too.
Bob Dylan – Robert Zimmerman
Axl Rose – William Bailey
Elton John – Reginald Dwight
Bono – Paul David Hewson
David Bowie – David Robert Hayward Stenton Jones
Cher – Cherilyn Sarkisan La Piere
Alice Cooper – Vincent Damon Furnier
Elvis Costello – Declan McManus
MC Hammer – Stanley Kirk Burrel
Vanilla Ice – Robert Van Winkle
Marilyn Manson – Brian Hugh Warner
Freddie Mercury – Farrokh Bulsara
Iggy Pop – James Newell Osterberg Jr.
Cliff Richard – Harry Rodger Webb
Gene Simmons – Chaim Klein Witts
Ringo Starr – Richard Starker
Cat Stevens – Steven Demetre Georgiou
Sting – Gordon Summer
Jack White – John Anthony Gillis
Frank Zappa – Frank Zappa?
Stiffler hates Buddy Holly
Well, maybe not. But the charter plane that Buddy Holly died in was named ‘American Pie’, made famous by the Don McLean song. The track was written in honour of Holly’s life, apparently minute for minute.
I’m Allowed to Judge Music
The English are the largest portion of music buyers in the world, representing a massive 7.2% of the total global market. The rest of you dirty scumbags are downloading it and spending your money on cocaine and video games and loose women. Shame on you for having such a good time.
You Shouldn’t Write Songs About Planes
Top tip: If you write a song about an airplane, you’re gonna die in one. John Denver wrote ‘Leaving on a Jet Plane’ and guess what? He left in a jet plane. Lynnrd Skynnrd wrote ‘Freebird’ and surprise, surprise, died in a plane crash. Otis Redding sang ‘Higher and Higher’ and, oh dear, died in a plane crash.