So the scales of justice have been rightly swayed and all that was wrong in the world has been aligned in unison with the principles of peace and tranquillity. Our children will dance forth in freshly scented meadows with gumdrop smiles on their faces whilst wild unicorns gallop majestically over rainbows and shit jelly-beans for all the impoverished Africans to eat. Soldiers and mercenaries will throw down arms in compassionate displays of love, embracing those that they fired upon before disbanding their camps and going off to work in zoos, giving back rubs to turtles. The future is now a shag-pile covered elevator ride of gooey, sugar-coated delight and the sun has finally set on the age of terror and anguish, of despair and heartbreak, of pain and suffering, and of fear and loathing (God bless you HST. Rock and roll in that grave. We could’ve done with your pen right now).
And all it took was the death of a man who lived in a cave.
I’m not going to dwell on this topic for long. It’s been over done, people have spoken incessantly and will do so for months to come. And we’re all sick and fucking tired of that ‘Hide and Seek Champion’ joke.
But as the people of the Free World pour onto streets, camping out in anticipation of a dawn of pure, utopian harmony, should we stop to consider what’s happened? It took ten years, the death of thousands of soldiers, the accidental murder of tens of thousands of civilians, the destruction of millions of homes, the expenditure of billions of dollars, all to seek vengeance upon a man who once purchased eight plane tickets and brought the modern western world to its knees. No, let’s not.
The people of the world deserve this small triumph as a family deserves a relative’s killer to be brought to justice. Nothing will ever right the wrong, but at least the emotional closure will help them sleep warmly at night and help to veil themselves from the perpetual, inevitable, inescapable, but ever so slightly ignorable fact that the world is an evil, fucked up place.
But hey! It’s party times, right? Fuck yeah it is! And to celebrate, I made you this picture. Because if an ant bites me on the leg, I’m gonna kill that ant. And ladies and gentlemen, last week we as members of a united, progressive modern civilsation kicked the absolute living fuck out of an ant, his ant colony, his ant hill, his ant eggs, the rest of his entire fucking species, and several other surrounding species that didn’t even really have anything to do with the bite in the first place! BOOH YEAH! IT IS GOOD TO BE WHITE.