30th April 2011
Mr Tom Overend
49 Birdsong Crescent
Vodafone Mobile Number: +61451180986
Account Number: 1003784547
Subject: Porting Away from Vodafone?
You total, utter bastard.
Don’t look like that Tom, don’t act all innocent. We know, okay. We know you’ve gone off with that other mobile company. That hussy. We know you’ve gone off with your little whore company, you worthless, dishonest shit.
We did everything for you, Tom. We bent over backwards to make you happy. You were everything to us, until you fucked it all up and met up with that tarty, disease-ridden mobile carrier. We knew they were trouble from the start. Don’t think we didn’t see you looking at their brochures, Tom, everyone saw the way you looked at them. God knows they flaunted them around enough, like the cheap, common prostitute that they are.
Everybody told us we could’ve done better than you Tom, but we stayed by you. ‘Oh, he’s an infrequent user’, they all said. ‘Oh, he won’t pass the credit check’, they told us. But we didn’t listen to them. We knew you were better than that. At least, we thought you were. But look at you now. You’re nothing but a two-timing, backstabbing, carrier-using man-slut.
You know what, Tom? We don’t even care that you’ve gone. We can do better than you. We’ll replace you with someone younger and hotter. There are plenty of people out there who don’t mind a little 39 cent flag fall every now and then. You know why your filthy little whore company only charges 15 cents per thirty seconds? Because that’s all they’re worth. You get what you pay for, Tom, you bastard.
So don’t worry about us, Tom. We’ll be fine. We didn’t even like you that much anyway. When we signed your contract, we didn’t even mean it, we were just saying that to get your money, so the joke’s on you. We hope you and your filthy hussy company enjoy your time together, because you know what, Tom? They’ve probably got thousands of other customers just like you. They don’t care about you, Tom. And from now on, neither do we.
Go fuck yourself.
Bertrum RosedaleVodafone Customer Care
1300 650 410